Monday, December 5, 2016

The People vs. Lorne Michaels

Closing Arguments in the case of The People vs. Lorne Michaels…

Enough with the right-wing’s monopoly for batshit crazy conspiracy theories.  It’s time to share in the insanity.  Put on your tin-foil hats people!  The election was rigged and it is all because of…

Lorne Michaels!  

Lorne Michaels, you son of a bitch, you have done us in.  It wasn’t Hilary and her “basket of deplorables” statement.  It wasn’t because the Russians hacked the computer system.  It wasn’t because Trump kept screaming “lock her up!” to dozens.  Mr. Michaels, you are the wizard behind the curtain!  You and your crack team somehow hacked the election results for your own gain.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please consider the evidence:

Exhibit A: Saturday Night Live Ratings was in a severe ratings slump three years ago.  The recovery has been slow.

Exhibit B: Saturday Night Live ratings this season are now at its highest in over two decades.

Exhibit C: One of the funniest bits last season was Jay Pharoah as a Young Ben Carson when he met Black Jesus (Kenan Thompson).  Even though Lorne ousted Mr. Pharoah before this season, nothing else explains why a man who pulled himself out of consideration for a cabinet position because he lacked government experience is now nominated for secretary of Housing and Urban Development.  There should be plenty of comedy material for the next season.

Exhibit D: Alec Baldwin probably enjoys playing Trump every week and doesn’t mind the extra work. He’s likely behind this rigged election as well.

Exhibit E: Sarah Palin as Secretary of the VA?  Maybe.  But, if she gets betrayed by Trump it would be even better for ratings! Need I say more Tina Fey?

Exhibit F: Trump can’t stop tweeting about SNL.  Perhaps Lorne and Donald are in this together?

Exhibit G: Chris Farley is no longer with us (RIP Chris).  But, consider this when mulling over reasons why Chris Christie (one of Trump’s most loyal supporters throughout the campaign) has not received a cabinet position…

I rest my case.