Closing Arguments in the case of The People vs. Lorne
Michaels…
Enough with the right-wing’s monopoly for batshit crazy
conspiracy theories. It’s time to share
in the insanity. Put on your tin-foil
hats people! The election was rigged and
it is all because of…
Lorne Michaels!
Lorne
Michaels, you son of a bitch, you have done us in. It wasn’t Hilary and her “basket of
deplorables” statement. It wasn’t
because the Russians hacked the computer system. It wasn’t because Trump kept screaming “lock
her up!” to dozens. Mr. Michaels, you are
the wizard behind the curtain! You and
your crack team somehow hacked the election results for your own gain.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please consider the
evidence:
Exhibit A: Saturday Night Live Ratings was in a severe
ratings slump three years ago. The
recovery has been slow.
Exhibit B: Saturday Night Live ratings this season are now
at its highest in over two decades.
Exhibit C: One of the funniest bits last season was Jay
Pharoah as a Young Ben Carson when he met Black Jesus (Kenan Thompson). Even though Lorne ousted Mr. Pharoah before
this season, nothing else explains why a man who pulled himself out of
consideration for a cabinet position because he lacked government experience is
now nominated for secretary of Housing and Urban Development. There should be plenty of comedy material for
the next season.
Exhibit D: Alec Baldwin probably enjoys playing Trump every
week and doesn’t mind the extra work. He’s
likely behind this rigged election as well.
Exhibit E: Sarah Palin as Secretary of the VA? Maybe. But, if she gets betrayed by Trump it would be
even better for ratings! Need I say more Tina Fey?
Exhibit F: Trump can’t stop tweeting about SNL. Perhaps Lorne and Donald are in this together?
Exhibit G: Chris Farley is no longer with us (RIP Chris). But, consider this when mulling over reasons why
Chris Christie (one of Trump’s most loyal supporters throughout the campaign)
has not received a cabinet position…
I rest my case.
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